How to be a Mom and Still...Be You!

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have you recently asked yourself: who am i really? of course you are a mom, and a million things associated with that title, but what about YOU? this is a thoughtful question, and seriously deserves being attended to so, while you are pondering YOURself, i will share a bit of me! i was a dancer, cheerleader, student, massage therapist, friend, sister and quiet-time advocate before i was a mom. those labels are ME. and when i started tossing a few to the side, and eventually nearly all of them, i felt a little sad (i of course didn't understand WHY at the time). being a mom is the human equivalent of defining the word "sacrifice", and we need that desire to give, and to give-up some selfish desires, it makes the world a better place. however, what we don't need is a bunch of moms feeling like they are only a housekeeper or nose-wiper. hopefully, you haven't lost much of who you really are, and here are a few tips that i have been incorporating into the ME i lost:

*participate! go to events where you are invited, and talk to people other than the ones you arrived with. even better talk to a few you don't know at all
*join a club: knit? find a club. sing? start a band. if you like to read join a book club. nearly every bookstore has 1 or more to choose from, or grab a few other bibliophiles and start your own
*get out! sometimes you just need to leave your family and celebrate you! make sure you wait til your spouse or sitter shows up before you run to your car!
*make a list of who you were, and find ways to make them who you are now!

i love, love being a mom! but after several years, i was starting to question what i was doing at home. taking care of you is just as important as taking care of your family. keep yourself healthy and happy, and you will in turn take care of your glorious family even better! i am getting better, but i am positive that you have more thoughts to help me out!

How to be a Mom and Still...Feel Smart!

now you must know i am not actually calling any of you dumb. you know that right? i know all of you are the epitome of intelligence. take for instance that you are reading this phenomenal blog. but you seriously have to see my point here. i mean, i have been a full-time, stay-at-home mom for nearly 10 years, and there have been days where i think my head is the morning bowl of oatmeal. maybe it's just me? maybe not. however at some point, and i believe our fabulous friend martha stewart pointed it out to me (via tv ladies, i am soo not that cool) i realized that i was not learning anything new. in fact, i was in a mommy rut. i hate routines, and yet they are my personal sanity, and they allow for auto-pilot sometimes which we all need occasionally. still, the same-old routine got me into a horrible state, and after waking with lavender scented smelling salts i started doing a few things:

*seek out new places. try a new local bakery, or small restaurant and revel in the new ambiance
*seek out new faces. i am a nice person (i'm pretty sure it has been mentioned before), but it KILLS me to make new friends. i feel like i am in middle school (or high school, whichever one was worse for you), with all of the judging and asking of questions. so, for me trying out more than just a "hi" is a good brain step
*get thee there differently. my husband loves to go new ways to regular places. his goal: which one is faster. but, this exercise is a really fantastic way of finding a new park, or a beautiful bike path, or a great place to change that newly flattened tire
*change something about you. i tried to read a louis l'amour book, and well that wasn't my best idea, but getting a new lip gloss or actually doing your hair is another happy step in the right direction

essentially it boils down to use it or lose it sisters! and i mean your brain. i have actually picked up the dictionary and read a few columns, and i felt smarter (until jeopardy came on). there are seriously zillions of ways to work it baby! and i have left out many so you can fill in the blanks!

How to be a Mom and Still...Be Healthy!

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taking care of our bodies is big stuff, and quite honestly sometimes very irritating. everyone knows it is important, and some of us are rockin' that perfectly healthy bod on the inside as well as out, i will have to place myself in the middle somewhere. in the past i have lost weight successfully after 2 babies, gave up after 1, and am recently remotivated to kick my personal butt into gear post baby 4 (she is actually 2 so i am stretching the "baby" word there). however, we all know that being physically fit can be done--have you seen the biggest loser?--and it is most definitely about more than the scale. eating healthy and appropriate portions are half of the battle. a few things that i have tried or am trying:

*EXERCISE!
1. join a gym with childcare
2.workout with a buddy, before kids wake up
3.buy/borrow some great fitness dvd's, workout after kids go to sleep
4.move it! make more trips up or down your stairs than usual

*get support, and it could help to join weight watchers. the last time i checked they had a pretty good system and encouraged lots of fuits/veg's and whole grains.
*read some good books. i love the super foods rx diet book. it focuses on healthy portions, good foods like fruits, veggies, nuts, yogurt, chocolate and fish (just to name a few) encourages proper sleep habits, anti-soda and "fake" foods, and definitely promotes exercise.
*make being healthy a priority in your family. we try to only have dessert once a week, and it's a "real" one, no sugar-free jell-o, or weird textured candies. teaching your kids how to be healthy now while they are little is really important.
*don't give up! sometimes it takes a while to figure it out and stop all the sugar cravings from screaming at you, but you know it's worth it.

i want to emphasize HEALTHY here. i am not encouraging crazy diets, wacky exercise or ridiculously tiny portions. you need to eat every few hours, and you need to eat REAL food that is full of nutrients (not high fructose corn syrup) and after a couple of weeks you will totally see a difference. you tell me, how can i make a bigger difference?

How to be a Mom and Still...Date Your Husband!

photo from getty images.com

when was the last time you spent actual time with your husband? maybe you did the dishes together over the weekend? did you get a couple massage a few days ago? sooo funny. but actually a little sad, huh? we are in full swing finals for dental school as i type this, which translates into a get out of bed push in the morning, maybe a text for lunch, and few moments squeezed in at dinner, then a peck as he heads out the door (often the lips have to be reminded to peck). we are in serious crunch time, so i can't honestly expect a lot, but it is a regular circus in our home most of the time with 4 kids and all the activities that we all participate in, not to mention a serious lack of dating funds to cover babysitting and dinners at the same time. my man and i regularly have our date night on friday, and usually at our home. we are blessed to have children hit the sack by 7:30, which gives us plenty of adult time. so what do we do?

*glenn picks up dinner on the way home, and we "eat out" post kid bedtime
*movies
*invite friends over to play games
*movies
*go to bed (i am not elaborating)

we do leave home occasionally, and sometimes have to spring for a paid sitter, but there are things we, and you, can do to get out with forking over a load.

*swap with other friends. i like to invite a mom over to my house, as my kids go to sleep before the sitter shows up, and the mom gets an evening of quiet.
*instead of trading babysitting services, offer something. for example i give massages (fully trained) and my hubby has mad drywall skills. cooking and cleaning are definitely fantastic options.
*make friends with couples who are not parents yet (this is cheating i know) then they can always come to your house to play!
*if you go to church, sometimes there are girls looking to give service, and voila! you are fully prepared to help her out!
*check out the neighbor girl, maybe she gets into trouble a lot, and her parents are looking for a new punishment? this one might require locking a few things (including your kids) up, and a good deal of praying, but if you are desperate...

your marriage is crazy important! remember that at one time, and hopefully still, you were madly in love with each other. keep doing things for each other, and spending alone time weekly to allow your relationship the time it deserves to expand and blossom (that sounds a bit cheesy, sorry) will most certainly make for a happier home and a happier you! what do you think?

How to be a Mom and Still...Dress Like a Fashionista!

photo from getty images

alright, so maybe fashionista is a bit extreme, but you can still be totally hip and get your kids to ballet, and you won't even have to steal your kids piggy bank to do it. first and foremost, you must be willing to accept change, even if that means not wearing that favorite shirt from college anymore (don't toss it though!). i have a few more useful tips, and of course all of you expert moms out there share your info with us too!

*pay attention: look around you at the stores, and online for ideas of what is stylish now
i love gap -currently 4 hot tips for the season
i love j.crew - several styles of skirts (you probably already have at least 1 version already), and tops that flatter each one
new love fasiontrendsetter.com: good ideas of what's hot
awesome site youlookfab.com: really helpful stuff on how to make things work for you

*follow the rules: everyone loves what not to wear, and they make good arguments to convince you if you don't. a few tips that every lady should adhere to are:
1. wear your correct size: 2, 12, or 22 the size that fits is your size and you will look better when you wear it
2. aim for sophisticated and sexy, avoid sweet: this does not mean uptight, trampy or cheap (and there is a difference). you should feel beautiful ALL the time. it does mean skipping things that make you look like a 10 year old.
3. have fun with your clothes, they are an extension of who you are and speak volumes to the world around you. even though we should not judge on first impressions, people do and are they getting the real you?

*scrimp where you can and invest in trouble spots: take my body for an example. i can find super inexpensive and cute tops at discount stores (target), but it is hard to find correctly fitting bottoms as i am shorter and not built like a pencil, so i find i have to go to mass retail stores (gap, delia's) and shop sales or occasionally pay full price, gulp, on a pair of jeans.

*use what you have as much as possible: i save forever, so i have clothes that have gone out of current fashion, only to come right back in again. share or swap your clothes with others when they are no longer working for you. maybe you are pregnant, but a friend isn't so loan your wardrobe to her and if she has maternity clothes then just trade for awhile. don't forget to use the pay attention tips and look for current trends within your current closet.

now, go get dressed. you are all hot mama's!

How to be a Mom and Still...Shower!

image courtesy of theplumbingstore.com

so, maybe you are laughing at this title? but i am willing to venture that most of you are just thinking: yes, finally! how is that accomplished? hee, hee! being and feeling clean is second only to having enough sleep and sadly as a mom of 4, i have had many days without a shower of any kind. now, everyone has a day or 2 when a shower is impossible, sick kids, missing hubbies, you know the drill. BUT i am not discussing those days. this post is merely for the SEEMINGLY impossible showerless days. i have tried all of these at some point, and some are better than others!

*for tiny babies: put them in the swing, and move the swing to your bathroom, or right outside the door, and keep it open so you can hear and peek at them!
*also for tiny non-squirmy babies: place a beanbag in the bathroom and lay the baby in the very middle. this is for super fast showers only!
*join a gym with daycare! bonus: you get to exercise if you want!
*for older kids: put on cartoons, and hop in with the baby monitor set up to listen to them. if you have a front door (everyone) make sure you have a deadbolt latched higher than the child can POSSIBLY ever reach. install one if you don't have one. even if you rent. the landlords will not be upset. (you do NOT want to run outside in a towel chasing down your child, no matter how rockin' your body is!)
*get up earlier than humanly possible
*take your kids with you! i shower (not all the time) with my 5 year old, and my 2 year old. and, no, they don't touch and stare like you might think. i plug up the tub, dump in some toys, then i get to clean up while they play. then it's there turn! bonus: all the splashing stays inside, and you are already wet!
*shower after the kids are in bed. this can also be used as part of date night...!
*buy some washrags and scrub all your "parts". hey, it's better than nothing!

that's the end of my ideas, however random they might be! so, ladies let's do our part for a cleaner world, and shower it up!